Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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