Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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