i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
