so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
