you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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