Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
