he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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