in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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