just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize