She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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