did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
