allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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