I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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