I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
