Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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