sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
