3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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