the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
