I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He better not be in your backpack
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
