Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
