Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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