We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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