They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
