She's JV to your varsity
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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