i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
