I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
