Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
