Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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