im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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