my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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