I will die if light touches me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
