I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
