dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
