Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
