I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
