I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
