I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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