im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
