u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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