apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
