Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
50% drunk capacity currently
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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