So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
