I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
