my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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