he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
