yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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