Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
