We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found your dick twin last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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