My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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