Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
