Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
