That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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