I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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