I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
